Girl.
Somebody is out here trying to kill every single one of The Homosexuals (capitalized because I am a proper noun — get into it). So far, this year has been like if PRIDE month had sex with a pack of wild bunnies. Check the calendar … MY GOODNESS … this is day thirteen. Honestly, if you know any gay folks, send them a text to check-in and a six pack of Gatorade because we are very busy.
Tell me! HOW ON EARTH am I to be expected to hold a full time job as well as keep up with these racist little Golden Globes, deal with Jen Shah’s sentencing (IYKYK), read this entire TOME from HRH Prince Harold (omg, Harry! Why it gotta be so big — 87 chapters, 407 pages, and hooooooo — FATHER GOD — an epilogue), process everything connected to Lisa Rina, know the names of all these new queens on RuPaul’s Drag Race, remember to pray for Gisele Bündchen each morning, AND manage my very complicated feelings about the musical Parade getting a limited run on Broadway (that boy’s vibrato is too much for me). THEN. Yes, girl, there is more. As if all of this weren’t enough to send me into a Ke$ha high note — the little dummies over at the MTV have gone and decided to give us The Real Friends of WeHo.
Now, don’t bother worrying — I am over here dancing as fast as I can. This is coming to you live from my bathtub. I’m blasting the Parade cast album, watching highlights from the Globes, running through the whole entire internet to make sure I know every single thing about every single body, and working on speed reading this big ass memoir. Mastering the art of single-tasking was my New Year’s resolution, but here I am again doing THEMOST to meet the rigorous demands of being a well informed gay person.
AND THEN THERE’S MAUDE!
(Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.)
… and then there’s “The Real Friends of WeHo.” Quotation marks because I’m too lazy to do the thing where I italicize words, but also I desperately need to somehow convey through text the entire monkeys’ cage worth of facial expressions, hostilities, thoughts, feelings, and full bodied air quotes I’m using while discussing this new television program.
I mean — who asked for this?
A hilarious question, of course, because — it’s me — Hi — I’m the problem — it’s me. I asked for this. To know me is to understand that I worship at the alter of The Real Housewives of (fill in the city of your choice). Andy Cohen and BRAVO are my everything. My All. I used to have some shame about watching these shows, but girl — life is short — too short to bother figuring out Chicago Fire or Chicago Med or Chicago Hope or whatever the hell. What would you have me watch, a nonstop reel of Jeopardy episodes until somebody finally comes along and puts that tired, poorly hosted show out of its misery??
No, thanks!
I enjoy fun rich lady drama, beautiful hairpieces, and questionable facial procedures. If that’s not your thing, good job. Just please don’t go thinking that watching House of the Dragon, or, GOD HELP US … Yellowstone is somehow a superior life choice.
Given my attitude about, well, EVERYTHING you might think a show about a bunch of gay friends running around bitching, brunching, and Botoxing would have me making a cheese ball and sending out handwritten invites for a party celebrating next week’s “WeHo” premiere. After all, inserting fun gay dudes into the formula feels like the logical next step for this brand of — LOL — “non-scripted entertainment.” Wouldn’t the world be a better place if we had a big gay version of every reality show?? Who doesn’t want The LESBIAN Bachelorette, Gay Love is Blind, or my personal fave — a Queer AF The Circle.
I’d love any and all of this. In fact, while poolside in Florida last week when the trailer for “The Real Friends of WeHo” popped into my news feed and interrupted my giggle fit about Kevin McCarthy’s 473rd attempt to become Speaker of the House — I hollered out and passed my phone around to everyone within arms length. Now, it was a slow day at the pool, so this really just meant that I handed my phone to my husband, but you get it — I WAS VERY EXCITED. Well, excited until I took a closer look.
Brad Goreski?
Todrick Hall?
OY. VEY.
The show is billed as “an unfiltered and honest look” at six gay friends who are “living, loving and pursuing their passions” in West Hollywood. I know we have to have “NAMES” on the show to get anyone to watch, but haven’t these two done enough damage on the 47 other shows they’ve killed? I didn’t even watch Big Brother, but I will still never forgive Ms. Hall for her nasty treatment of Carson Kressley. NEVER. Brad is aiiiight, but his husband is where the real excitement lives. The other folks … OK … I can pretend to be positive for a few minutes I guess. It’s just maybe the slightest bit (by which I mean HUGELY) disappointing that in a time where so many queer people of various backgrounds and identities are in desperate need of having a larger platform we’re just turning a blind eye and digging our heels into the whole sassy gay male trope.
The real question for me is … where is my boy Andy Cohen. Why hasn’t BRAVO already tackled the gay/queer reality show? MTV is great. It gave us Catfish, Punk’d, and A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila, but maybe they should have left this one to the professionals. It’s a new world out here. You can’t half ass a show about queer people. We — and I really do mean all of us — want, and demand to be seen. Now don’t go sending me hate mail. I celebrate the joy that is gay folks on television, but really — couldn’t we do better?
Listen, I love a sassy gay man. I myself am a sassy gay man, but I can’t help but wonder, Carrie: Were there any queer folks in MTV’s war room for this show, or are we just out here being at war with ourselves again?? I have soooo many feelings about this show and haven’t seen a single episode. Maybe my read is way off, I guess I’ll just have to tune in and find out.
Whatchu Doing?
reading: I’m currently reading SPARE by Prince Haz, obviously. But because I can’t settle down I’m also reading The Netanyahus. I’m also trying to get to Daisy Jones and the Six before that show comes out on Netflix. See — I told you I was BUSY. I also just read Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow which was so so soooo good, Book Lovers (really enjoyed it), and The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo (LOVED). I’m fully devoted to Taylor Jenkins Reid now, so get ready because I’m about to read all of her books.
watching: Fleishman is in Trouble (OMG SO GOOD), and season 15 of RPDR.
listening: TAYLOR TAYLOR TAYLOR, and Parade
Hi. Did you have a good time? Please share it on the internets (facebook, insta, twitter), forward it to your enemies, show it to your lovers, and talk about it with your mahjong group.