A snowflake’s gotta snowflake, and queen of cringe Elizabeth Gilbert is over here throwing an Elsa-like humdinger of a blizzard.
It all started last week when the eating, praying, loving, possibly queer, possibly impossible to be married to author announced she had a new book coming in early 2024. Awesome. I have rarely met a new book I didn’t need to add to my cart. There’s literally a mountain of them wasting their lives next to my bed waiting to be hauled down to the used bookstore to be sold as I type this.
I made a mental note to tell my BFF we had a new hate read coming down the pike (Imma need a minute to forgive CITY OF GIRLS) … but then … BOOM … before I could fire off a text THERE WAS AN UPDATE.
She of the making my eyes roll all the way out of my head (hello … what does Eat, Pray, Love make your eyeballs do???) returned to social on Monday with a terrible camera angle and interesting lighting choices to dance all over my very last nerve.
We need to take a sec and pause to talk about how DIY culture has everyone out here looking like a fool with their social media announcements. What I’m saying is … a real live famous person cannot be breaking news willy-nilly from their chalet in Vermont with the warm glow of a pumpkin spice scented Yankee Candle and questionable eye wear choices.
PLEASE. You know she fired up a pumpkin spice candle for this video.
If you’re a grown ass NYT Bestseller, even a messy one? You better hire a publicist (OR LITERALLY ANYONE) to do these videos. You are not Bob Smith telling all the boys to meet you in the basement of a library for D&D. You also cannot have your mom take a picture of you on her Samsung Galaxy and call it a head shot, but that’s a conversation for another day.
YOU’RE A PROFESSIONAL.
ACT LIKE IT.
Don’t wanna hire a professional person? Call up your best gay to art direct. I’m sitting right here, I’d do it for a lunch at Chili’s or a family sized bag of M&M’s. Don’t have time for that? JUST TURN ON A GD LIGHT AND MAYBE LIFT YOUR HEAD A NOTCH AND TAKE A BIG STEP BACK FROM YOUR IPHONE. All of this self made crap is sad. It’s the social media equivalent of letting AI make your announcements, and I’m tired of it.
GROW UP.
GIMME SOME GLAMOUR.
GIMME A RED LIP OR MAYBE ONE SINGLE DRIP OF A SOMETHING TO ASPIRE TO.
Hi. I have a few feelings.
Anyway. I guess she’s halting the release of the new book following a “massive” backlash about it being set in Russia.
EXCUSE ME.
Hello, 911?
IS ANYONE IN CHARGE?
Ma’am! Who is flying this here airplane?
Surely you jest.
In her little busted home video, Gilbert announced she needed to listen to her Ukrainian readers after “an enormous, massive outpouring of reactions and responses expressing anger, sorrow, disappointment and pain” from readers who object to releasing any work about Russia.
I guess by Monday afternoon, the novel had received over 500 one-star reviews on the book-recommendations website Goodreads, with a deluge of reviews condemning the book's Russian setting.
OK. I will give her that Goodreads is a nightmare and has some issues, and this one star protest situation is a real PROBLEM. But likeeee … does that warrant a canceled book? I meannnnnnnnn … some old dude at Costco told me I look like Superman yesterday, and you can bet your sweet ass I’m going to hold off on buying myself a spandex onesie.
GOOD GRAVY! (Hi. I’m from the South)
Being alive at this particular moment is a full on nightmare. Is this the future of our dreams?? I can click a few buttons on my phone and have food delivered to my doorstep within minutes, but lord help any one of us who can hold a layered and nuanced thought about literally any single thing.
First? This whole drama begs the question … HOW MANY UKRAINIAN FANS CAN ELIZABETH GILBERT EVEN HAVE? Is her little fiction book at the top of their list of concerns? AND. Even if all her fans were there … is this really the very best way to protest?? Also, the comments section and almost everything connected to social media has been hijacked by robots so like — IS ANY OF THIS GARBAGE EVEN REAL? Wouldn’t ELIZABETH GILBERT be able to withstand a few one star terrorists?
I’m tired of everyone talking about SETTING A TERRIBLE PRECEDENT, but I can’t help but think THIS IS SETTING A TERRIBLE PRECEDENT. OF COURSE Elizabeth Gilbert, a person I assume has plenty of cash sitting around can just cancel a book because someone furrowed their brow. What about the rest of us? Most authors need a paycheck and can’t just decide to drop one book and go off working on another. This would be a nearly impossible choice for a newer, lesser known author.
Obviously — Fuck Russia. Fuck that war. Fuck all of it, but everybody needs to take several seats with this whole walking through the world on eggshells moment we’re having. I mean no disrespect to any single person. HOWEVER. If you can’t have a book take place in Russia, then how in the world would you have one take place in THESE UNITED STATES??? How would you have any straight male characters, or white people, or meat eaters, or billionaires, or Catholic priests, or Germans, or Christians, or pit bulls, or factory farming, or Southerners, or FILL IN THE BLANK??
Take a look around friends — almost every single person, place, or thing is offensive to someone. I say this with full knowledge and understanding of my privilege. I respect all the thoughts and feelings and nuances of this incredibly complicated subject, but I have to ask … WHERE IS THE LINE?
How about just saying —
GIRL, I KNOW RUSSIA IS AN ASSHOLE BUT HERE ARE THE 73 REASONS I WROTE THIS WHOLE ENTIRE NOVEL.
XOXO LIZZY G.
Nope. It’s shelved, and possibly gone.
Wow. This is a whole lot of words and energy devoted to someone that kinda gets on my nerves. I tend to find people (ESPECIALLY FAMOUS ONES) who suddenly marry their same sex bestie and never once publicly address the marriage in a way that uplifts the queer community to be shitty and wildly offensive.
BUT … I guess what I’m really trying to say here (what I’m actually terrified of saying) is it’s maybe getting more and more difficult to tell which side of the political spectrum is more obnoxious. Don’t say Gay? Don’t mention Russia? Is telling someone to stay away from Chicago all that different from warning against visiting Florida? Is a book ban all that different from killing one? You’re probably offended by that idea, but I think all of this silliness might have made me decide that it’s OK … because you know what … I think we’ve all forgotten that we get to be.
My solo show BIG GAY NIGHTMARE opens in a couple weeks! So I might not be the very best newsletterer for the next few weeks.
It’s sold out for now … but a few more tickets will be released sooooon.
Thanks for reminding me that she married her bestie and then never mentioned it again lol
Dang you make me giggle while you make me think. (And sold OUT! Go you!)